Kiss Me Kate

Back in June there was a bump. But that was before the Olympics. It turned out that it was a phantom bump. Then came the Olympics and we forgot about the bump. Then the  Queen’s favourite corgi died. The thrill of being in the Olympic opening ceremony proved just too much.Prince Harry finished his commando training in Las Vegas. Now the Olympics are  finished, the corgi is buried and Harry is out giving  the towel heads something to worry about.

So we are back with Kate’s bump. The Royalist a reporter with the Daily Beast web site ,the man who gave us William’s bald patch, is back with the bump. First he tells us that “Friends of the Young Royals say there is no secret that Kate and William would dearly like to get pregnant and are actively trying for a baby.”

Actively trying,eh. F of the YR ? Lets assume, and its a big assumption, that such Friends exist. Lets speculate how the conversation might have gone.

Will,are you trying. What do you mean old pal. Well ,you know going in bare backed.Taking the wraps off the old rascal.  Well since you asked, we are doing it three or four times a night,contraception is out and we are not going to stop until the bump is real.

These are the kinds of conversations that young  ‘uns are always having. Especially with the new non fuddy duddy Royals.

So this F of the YR having had his chat with HRH is taking it easy ,playing a few Carpenters tracks,sipping his coke and he gets a call from the  Tom Sykes the Royalist reporter for the Daily Beast web site..

Got anything for me. Well they are trying. How hard. Like rats. Thanks I owe you a drink. No worries its what  F of the YR are for.

Now comes the kicker. Kate didnt drink wine at the  banquet in Singapore. why not? When you been given a good going over by the Royal member for second in line, it can only result in one thing. Bumps in the night. Ding dong the bells are going to ring.Tom Sykes is also helping John Taylor of Duran Duran  write his biography. Phone the F of the YR he’ll give you the QT.

No sewer too deep,no U bend  too long,the gutter press. We dont need to hack  phones,we just make it up. I once  wrote a piece for the News of the World,yes I too was a soldier in the army of slime.

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