The children have taken it well. One of the great lies in the English language. But no party in a divorce or separation doesn’t hope its true. Their selfish pursuit of happiness depends on them believing it. They argue that by letting the children gently or otherwise into the change of relationship they will understand. That anything is better than the tension and anger of a relationship which is collapsing or over. The children have taken it well. I have to smile.
It all came back to me with the disclosure of Chris Huhne the disgraced Liberal MP texts with and from his son. The son hates him. He has shamed his mother and left the family. The son is angry, despite the son being a Cambridge undergraduate and therefore, one has to assume, intelligent and reasonably experienced, his father running off with someone else is inexcusable.
Typical of the text exchanges. Father “I’m thinking of you and I love you very much.It would be great to talk”. Son”Fuck off”. Father “Happy Xmas. Love you, Dad”. Son “Well, I hate you”. Oh dear, he is not taking it well.
My ” parents”( I found out thirty five years later he wasn’t my father) divorced when I was four. My disturbed childhood meant eventually I was on the psychiatrist’s couch and they decided it was best if the state paid for me to go to boarding school. One of my sisters was so unhappy that she ran away aged 16 and started having children a year later. I remember being convinced that my father and his new wife were also going to be divorced, and praying every night that Jesus would keep them together. He did.
” Grown up” children may find it difficult to forgive parents having sex with someone outside the family Actually children of all ages have a problem with their parents’ sexuality ,in and out of wedlock. In my case, when I got to my teens and could start working out what was going on ,I realised that here was a very human situation My parents were desperately unsuited and my step parents worse.
I eventually came to the conclusion that the four people ,who between them brought up seven children should not only not have been allowed to have children, they should not have been allowed near them. But like most unsatisfactory parents there was no stopping them.
Of the seven brought up by this four only one was not damaged. But then as we know even children from so called happy families turn out badly. Vivien’s parents were happily married. However , their son hasn’t talked to his children for thirty years. Their crime? After he had run off with a bimbo,their mother remarried a fine man who brought them up. They called him Daddy. Their father never forgave them, actually, I think they’ve taken rather well.