Briefs in a Twist


How we loved LA Law. The handsome devils, righting wrongs, taking on the bad guys, getting in touch with their feminine sides, having affairs, trying to do what was right but being oh so human at the same time.  Mike and Grace, “I was in the neighbourhood I thought I would drop by” “Mr Cusack will you leave my office”  We all knew what was  going to happen , the hair, the suits, the ties, the cleavage, the angst, the clichés. All against the glamorous back drop of  the photogenic West Coast and the palm lined boulevards of LA. But that was on TV, that was some time ago.

So it was nice to see that  real life London  could offer an alternative. First we have pretty mother of two, barrister Patry Hoskins. She worked on the Leveson enquiry team and  she is on TV so much she gets dubbed the thinking man’s Pippa Middleton.  That is, she looks good and does more than recipes. She gets all over Youtube when she seems to completely lose it  when Hugh Grant comes on the stand. Her eyes open, she strokes her hair, she looks down, she smiles, she  giggles to her colleague. For pity’s sake, she simpers. She is after all only human and even lawyers have feelings and desires. By day in the dark suit and white shirt but night a panther of passion, a child of our time.

But was she giving  Love Actually Hugh the eye ,or his barrister David Sherbourne. Handsome, dark haired David(Dave when you get to know him) twice married ( he just cant keep it in)and with three children turns out to be returning the eye and a bit more. In fact Patry and Dave are seen  in bars and brassieres, even having breakfast together, all over Law Land,WC1. For God’s sake they are adults, they are good looking, under pressure, things happen. They are lawyers, underneath the dark suits and the serious faces they are sexual volcanoes. As such they even go on holiday to Greece together in August. Who hasn’t seen Shirley Valentine or Mama Mia?

 Now the Leveson Inquiry didn’t deliver until November and  so members of the press fighting a desperate rear guard battle are quick to point out that this may well be a “ conflict of  interest”. After all she  is a senior member of the  Leveson team which is meant to be taking  an impartial view. And he is the lead member of a very partisan team of celebs who want to get  a certain result which will clip the media’s wings. That is, to allow public figures free to have breakfast with who ever they want, without the press passing the marmalade.

But they say that the affair didn’t start till after November. That all they went on  holiday for was “to discuss the possibility of a future relationship”. Now we all know that in courts remarks that would be laughed out of normal conversation are taken at face value. “My client thought it was his brother in laws house and so the reason he broke the window and was seen carrying the lap top and jewellery ,was to look after the goods while his relative was on holiday.”

So the two barristers would think nothing of stating that while others may take a view on them having breakfast together, the reason they were on holiday together was a kind of preliminary meeting before any real  affair could take place.  A kind of  non touching foreplay, a meeting with a prospective client. Exactly, it never happened in LA Law but, you really have to have the cynicism of a Fleet Street hack to think otherwise.

Whatever, it seems that the discussions went well and  Ms Hoskins is seeking a divorce from her QC husband. Yes another lawyer! Is he handsome? Has he a lover? Does he cross dress?  Is he gay, black ?Is there a back story? Whatever,love  being a stove which burns you while its hot  means there are now five children from broken homes, but its OK. Not only because the kids have taken it well.  But because David Sherbourne-will he marry a third time? earns £400 an hour. Well for starters five children at boarding school costs £150,000 a year say £250,000 at top rate tax. And of course the thinking man’s Pippa Middleton also earns well so maybe it wont be so bad.

 But of course divorce lawyers will have to employed, conveyancing lawyers will have to be  used to sell and buy new homes, and who knows will lawyers  be employed to see if there was a conflict of interest in the Levison enquiry, libel lawyers are already on the case, maybe there will be another enquiry which will employ lawyers, could this could go to  lawyers in Strasbourg where Patry used to work, which is OK because,well, we cant have lawyers just sitting around.

 Surely there is enough here for a series ,WC Law? Or at least a Carry On Film. Its tacky enough for Channel 5. Maybe a film that goes straight to DVD- working title-Briefs in a Twist. Meanwhile solicitors acting(yes they have already been employed)  for  the hair stroking Patry are refusing to comment. Its OK their  phones have been hacked.


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