Sexting for Cats

My lady wife and I  have  come to the conclusion that the honeymoon period of our marriage is over. As we lay in our sleeping bags the other morning this sad and unromantic fact became  only too apparent. But the darkest hour is just before dawn. The New York  mayor election has thrown up the man of the moment  , Anthony Weiner. Handsome, Jewish, well dressed,debonair, good on camera, quick on  his feet with an attractive supportive wife. Related to the all conquering Clintons. He is a poster boy for modern politics. As he says “This is about helping New Yorkers”

He is also  into serious sexting. This involves taking pictures of his Johnston and under an alias sending it to various women. Who no doubt reply in kind. No dirty sheets, no taxi rides, no fake orgasms, no lies to partners about where you are, no expensive dinner dates, if only  I’d known, this is the way to go.

So over  a cup of Bournevita-the night food for the over fifties-I said (shyly) to my child bride ,perhaps sexting is something we should try. It could bring back a little sparkle. A little of the old soft shoe  shuffle, a little of the je ne sais quoi. She threw back her mane of golden curls and laughed ,the laugh that launched a thousand ships. I took that as a yes.

First there were the names. I became  Captain Midnight and she ,the little minx,  took on the nom de passion of Tigerbelle. I felt  that  I, as  neighbourhood watch coordinator and she, as a member of the AOR Council,  couldn’t go full  commando on this, we should show  some decorum So  the rule was no gonads or body hair. This was going to be hot. I changed into my shorts.

Captain Midnight sends Tigerbelle a picture of his  knee, with the caption, Are you lonesome tonight. She replies with a picture of her elbow with the caption, Looking for  Hound Dog.

For pity’s sake this is going no where. I never liked Elvis and we had a Spaniel. Elbows,knees are they in the Kama Sutra?

A confused Capt Midnight writes “Big Boy seeks a dance tonight”. The reply comes back”Have you bought the holiday insurance”

What. Time to get real. “Capt requires  all hands on his deck”. Reply comes back “That’s so pathetic, did you really get a degree?”

One more try.”OK slutbitch, now you have to dig camel turd   and eat frog slime for Big Daddy”. “oohh,I love it when you talk dirty.”

This digital experience is of course taking place in our bed room, the blinds are drawn and  the rule is we have to remain in our sleeping bags. After the last round  I lean over. “ Lets  get real.”” In the morning, I’m tired”. Anthony Weiner,thank you.

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2 Responses to Sexting for Cats

  1. CHARLOTTE GOOD says:

    I am weeping with laughter, Hugh. I shall look forward to discussing this with Viv when i see her. Beyond hilarious!
    PS I do not think AW attractive in ANY sense of the word ….

  2. Am I missing something her……

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