No Laughing Matter

United we Bend


No smirking. No giggling at the back. This is serious. Football managers undergoing training for their licences are now being taught what to do if a player declares himself gay. As I said no  smiling,no hands over mouth, this is where we are today. Most of this training  centres around how to handle the media interest , but really does that go far enough?

No, most gay men do not adopt children. They are comfortable in their sexuality and enjoy their  partner(s). This is how it should be. But they do have close relationships outside of the bed room. One of which is with their Mums. Now a gay man and his mother is a sacred relationship, sometimes the defining one. And clubs should recognise the fact with special seating areas for players and their Mums. These would have en suite changing and toilet facilities so that if mother and son wish to exchange toiletries or make up they can do so in private.

 Gay men understandably  often have deep and meaningful relationships with their dogs. Clubs should start to provide facilities for gay men  to bring in their pooches. This would  make the gay player feel more secure and at home and would improve his playing performance.

There has to be a complete clamp down on distasteful expressions. The fact that gay men enjoy anal sex is of course a given fact. But so do many heterosexual couples. In fact in Roman Catholic countries anal sex was/is a way of enjoying carnal pleasure , not having babies and  obeying the Pope on contraception. So no more shirt lifters, turd burglars, pillow biters. Gay men and their partners should be given the same respect as heterosexual players and their WAGs. That is they can be called slags, whores and bitches with impunity.

It will obviously only be a matter of time before some player demands a sex change. Now here again a sensitivity is required. Should the player after his/her sex change be allowed to wear gym slips  instead of shorts while playing, use eye liner instead of  tigerbalm? It’s a tricky one, but as with Sikhs and their turbans, Muslims and their burkhas  the  majority culture should show tolerance and feeling. Naturally special changing facilities  will have to be provided.

We live in exciting times. No smirking.

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One Response to No Laughing Matter

  1. Indeed, no laughing matter and I’m not smirking. It’s called progress and enlightenment. We’re being freed of all our historic prejudices : freed of our religion, free access to services (whether you’re a local or someone who walks in and claims a right to something someone else has paid for), free and open borders, soon to be freed of a national identity (we’re Europeans after all, or so some would have us believe), freed of an independent Parliament, so freed of a reason to vote; freed of defence forces that will soon release us from any foreign obligations or to be a country to rely on (former US Defence Secretary believes we’ve fallen over the edge of credibility with no Royal Navy to speak of and no aircraft carriers), freed of a right to life if you’re elderly or infirm – euthanasia will be legalised; all but free in some sections of the population to abuse children and women, kill them, and be set free from prison in a few short years; free to claim human rights no matter how heinous the crimes you may have committed in denial of those same rights to another….and so the list could go on.
    But hey! I’m free to write this, or I think I am….someone in GCHQ may be watching what I say and write in this free country.

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