Oh Canada

Its War

 Canada is a country where I have two strands of family. A brother and sister with six children plus a great aunt who had four  children and they too went forth and multiplied. Not to mention assorted cousins. So its a country I have visited several times and have some attachment. But this is now wearing thin.

For as we all know in a fit of incredible spite the goody goody ,two shoes Cannucks(led no doubt by the mayor of Toronto or some such) have banned Marmite, Irn Bru, Penguin bars, Lucozade, Bovril and Ovaltine. This is childish ploy  by an adolescent country to not  only attract attention to its anaemic self but to annoy a nation  old  wise and meaningful.

Let the Cannucks remember how much British  blood was spent saving them from the Catholic Church, the misery of the Bourbons and speaking the language of the garlic eaters. Let them remember how many red blooded redcoats laid down their lives so that Cannucks could enjoy the joys of not becoming the 51st state.

Let the Canadians not forget that after the Seven Years War when offered the choice of Martinique or Canada , Pitt the Elder went for the tundra and not the sugar. He realised that there would be a time when those that could not  stand the pace of the 13 colonies would need a refuge. And so it was.

Now they ban Marmite. This is a country which has not the gumption to have its own head of state, builds its governments buildings so they look like some one else’s and whose only dreams are of winning the women’s ice hockey medal at the forthcoming Olympics.

It would  be too easy for us to burn Alice Munroe’s sad talesof deviancy and  tenuous relationships. It would equally petty for us to ban the broadcasts of that ageing crooner Cohen. We could strip the shelves of maple syrup, Canadian whisky or Molson beer. That is if anyone bought them. No we will do none of these things, We will leave a warning.

Two weeks ago Argentina insulted  the Mother of The Free by appointing a Minister for the Malvinas. That country is now finished. Now Canada has banned Ovatline-the food drink of the night, and in down town Winnipeg and Calgary no one can now pick up a Penguin. Beware the Ideas of March.

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