The best part of breaking up

Teenage Romance


When he first came on the scene it seemed  obvious. He and she would get on. After all they were the same type from the same region in a land of strangers, What could go wrong? But he did his stuff, press-ups, showing off, deep voice, and the rest but it made no difference. She was too tired, too busy,into   too many other things, boys, she  just didn’t need them. It’s a type.

 But nature is nature and man has found ways of helping. Basically she just didn’t like men. But in these sainted times men are not always essential. Sperm can be got from other sources. Lavatory seats, old pants, used porn mags, there is a lot of spare sperm around. An ice cream carton was filled  and as quick as you can say Marie Stopes, the lady became pregnant.

Everyone could see the difference.  Her depression lifted .She became more involved, she  showed more interest in neighbours, she cared about the state of her home. She  was even nice to the boy next door. But of course nature is nature and sometimes it is cruel and she lost her baby. She grieved as all expectant mothers would. But the boy next door showed compassion and a friendly shoulder to cry on. She thanked him. Maybe boys werent so bad.

Zoo keepers in Edinburgh are this year hoping that Tian Tian and Yan Guang their giant pandas(for which they pay China £600k a year) will mate in the 36 hour hormone window that exists once a year for female pandas. They failed last year and artificial insemination didn’t work either. The keepers say “the pandas seem  much more comfortable and at ease with each other and their  surroundings this year”.  It is reported that Tian is showing a real interest in the boy.

Both pandas have  also  started to read the Guardian and have become far more communicative  and responsive on emotional and male-female issues. Speaking through an interpreter Yan Guang said” I think I much more in touch with my feminine side and  I feel more at ease with the changing gender roles in the modern age.” Tian Tian says, “He has grown up  a lot in the last year and so have I, I think we are now ready to become responsible, caring parents.” We live in exciting times.


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