Stairway to Heaven Blocked

Its obvious that the solution to the growing tide of  Islamaphobia is that we treat everyone as equals. So the other day I decided to treat everyone I saw dressed as a nun like  a sacred daughter of Christ. As it happens I was mooching around Edgware Road enjoying some sweet meats, a hookah pipe and the sight of some extremely big girls.

Suddenly next to me was a sack wearing the full burka. Sister of Mercy, I cried I have sinned. She looked away. No please sister , do not ignore me, I live in peril of damnation. Maybe she was one of those nuns who had sworn to  a life of silence. I persevered, I have never been to Confession  and I want to know how to get into a state of grace. She looked at me and said, Saudi,shopping. Saudi shopping was that some   Latin code from the old times. While I  was wondering a large window tinted  4×4 drew up and  she jumped in. This was not going well.

Next up Knightbridge. On the tube I sat next to  one not wearing the mask but the full Sister of the Sacred Heart cloak and  for all I know dagger. Sister of Christ I have sinned. I said  getting straight to the point. What, do you know who you are talking to. A Sister of Christ who has got closer to the Almighty and his Blessed Mother through prayer and meditation.

 No,no ,no, You have got the wrong  idea, I am a Somali housewife. Please don’t ignore me I implored I  cannot sleep, I have nightmares about damnation. Show me the way back to the path of righteous. She got up, was she going to give me a sign? I am sorry I cannot help , I get off at this stop. This has gone from  bad to worse.

I am back I Putney. As I walk across the Bridge  thinking maybe I should  jump and end  it all when I spy someone  who must be in one of the modern  orders. Her hair is obviously well formed but covered as befits the modesty of one who has dedicated their life to Jesus. She is wearing a split and embroidered full length robe.

 Sister have you a moment. You what. I have sinned  I want to know how many Hail Marys I need  to get back on the great highway to heaven. Are you outa yur mind.Are you care in the community,is this some  kind of joke,innit.

I was desperate. I collapsed onto my knees and cried Bless me for I have sinned. F*** Off  you’re barmy said the girl as she scampered towards the tube.   I have learnt the hard way that not all nuns are the same. But my moral hazard remains.

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3 Responses to Stairway to Heaven Blocked

  1. David of Bedchester says:

    We know, and I believe you know too, that you are beyond redemption. All that awaits you is a sharp dagger! The Evening Standard will report the event any time soon.

  2. Nick Leslie says:

    Nice one Tommo! Sisters of mercy…

  3. duncan Willetts says:

    Bless you my son for they have sinned.Why tolerate the intolerable..take their money but not their beliefs..

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