Modern Times

I must be careful. My remarks about Claire Balding and her jutting chin have made  me suffer the  accusation  of  homophobia. Of lessening myself. Of course when I read this exocet of an insult, hot tears trickled down my sun burned face, I rushed to my room, threw myself on my bed and refused to come out until way after cocktail hour.

So this weekend when I read the agony aunt in the on line Guardian, Mariella Frostrup , I realised that here was a case for real sensitivity. She of course with her good looks, high intelligence and tobacco soaked voice  has it all. But the case was difficult.

Someone had written in  that  in their past they had been bisexual. OK we all go though phases, the body is full of pleasures and  no one is being judgemental. But now he has found the right woman, he wants to get married and settle down and thoughts of other men are now strictly platonic. But as they say, the past has a way of catching up on you.

When meeting his proposed father in law he realised an inconvenient fact. He and that man has once been partners having met on a gay  shagmequick internet site. So Mariela what should I do?

She said go honest, if you lose your love well that may  be better than you and your father in law spending a life time living a lie. Maybe.

But in these liberated  clear eyed times surely it will not be strange for a young man, experimenting as he must to be true to his sexuality, to have had relations with his father in law. I think of Vivien’s  father a dear man who was in the Army for many years. I think of the potential sons in  law that my daughter regularly  produces. I look around the family and think of all the possible same sex  couples that might , could ,may have been.

But should you tell? I think and here I disagree with the saintly, gravel voiced Mariella, it all depends on the quality of the relationship. I do  not want to go into grubby details. But if was joyous and fun it should be celebrated , guilt free and spring like, it could be another bond in the family. But if was sordid and unhealthy, forget, junk it, move on. Thank goodness we live in these times when the debris of thousands of years of prejudice and guilt has been at last swept away. Oh yes.

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