Call Me Flipper

Call me Flipper

Legend has it that LBJ, in one of his early congressional campaigns, told one of his aides to spread the story that Johnson’s opponent fucked pigs. The aide responded “Christ, Lyndon, we can’t call the guy a pigfucker. It isn’t true.” To which LBJ supposedly replied “Of course it ain’t true, but I want to make the son-of-a-bitch deny it.”

This story was quoted by Hunter S Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. And  it rings a pretty loud bell with Lord Ashcrofts hatchet job  Call Me Dave which has got the Daily Mail in a complete ersatz tizz this week. For the books contains an uncorroborated story where Ashcroft claims David Cameron placed his Johnston(sorry Alan) inside a pig’s mouth as part of an initiation ceremony into an exclusive drinking club.

As a dark art tactic its got it all. Make up a story and have your opponent spluttering, gurgling and red faced in his/her denials. Thereby making them look foolish and planting the idea on the no smoke without fire principle. But Cameron if nothing else, is a very good politician. This is a no win game and he aint playing. So no denial.

But how about Cameron responding. In animal pornography sex with snakes has  for obvious reasons a very special place. How about accusing Ashcroft  of a love that dare not say its name with a mamba.

Maybe  a special  (very) dirty tricks unit could be set up. Corbyn was seen with a monkey in Clissold Park in 1981. Where is it now? The people have a right to know. After all Putney’s favourite poet Algernon Charles Swinburne claimed to have relations with such a mammal.

Boris was known to be close to a Shetland pony in his childhood. As we say in Nevada, once a cowboy always a cowboy.

It is well known in Putney that  Nick Clegg spends a lot of time swimming with specially trained dolphins. Specially trained for what, a good question, that should be answered. That  accusation could be transferred to the new leader of the Liberal party if I could remember his name. As for this story ,remember Emperor Tiberius trained young boys to give him fellatio under water. Dolphins as we all know are far more intelligent and a lot more lovable that young boys.

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One Response to Call Me Flipper

  1. j Elson says:

    We fell for your Ashcroft conspiracy theory hook line & sinker at first read. But…..Fear & loathing was much read & admired at Oxford (& possibly Eton) when Cameron was there. So Hunter could have inspired the Bullingdons to tempt fate with the pig.
    At least two of your blogs have been up to top Fleet Street standard. Did you think of submitting them? j. e.

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