The rich are different. They marry more often. They can afford to. Not for them the inexorable decline of physical pleasure that happens in all long relationships. Oh no. When its gone, so are you. So hats off to Rupert Murdoch a very butch 84 year old getting married ,for a fourth time, to everyone’s favourite Mrs Jagger(there have been several) Jerry Hall. She comes in at a very suspicious 59. But what the hell, that’s show business.
No sniggering about what this post menopausal couple might get up to. As journalists (briefly I was one)on the lamented and Murdoch owned News of the World would say, knowing what consenting adults do behind closed doors is very much in the public interest.
Perhaps here I can help. My child bride and I who can only afford one marriage, have found a variety of ways of keeping our private life as fresh as a mountain stream.
First I find it is an immediate turn on for the dream baby so close to my heart and other organs if I wear the full Nazi uniform ,boots, iron cross and arm band included. She of course wears the strip that made her such a tigress when playing for the Reigate Ladies Lacrosse team.
Foreplay starts as I stomp up the stairs cryimg “Its no good hiding I know where you are.” She replies “You will never take me alive you Nazi swine.”I come into the boudoir,the field of our dreams, and stand in front of the mirror with my swastika emblazoned jock strap,throbbing in anticipation and cry,”Where are you ,you untermenchen, you sub human,”. By now she is jumping up and down on our reinforced mattress, waving her lacrosse stick.. As she jumps her gym slip reveals Victoria Secret crotchless knickers. Its game on.
First she crys “Huh, you filthy Hun I have seen bigger mice.” But then she coos “Come on ladies we can do this, we are only two goals down.”
At this point the tension becomes unbearable and the years suddenly fall away and we are as eager as rats.
Although like most we have given up smoking we do find the ritual of the post fuck fag is deeply satisfying. I have a Senior Service tin which is now filled with sweet cigarettes. Apres le deluge I will say,”That was great would you like a smoke” She replies “ Heres looking at you big boy.” Which of course means its time to put on the jock strap ,arm band ,boots and for the Wagnerian cycle to start again. I hope this helps.
Next week we show how the arrival of Joe the Plumber can refresh tired sex lives.