Three weeks ago lightning struck the house. We were out. The phone and computer run by Talk Talk went down. We phone them. Bangalore replies. Name. Number. Lets do a few tests. Thirty minutes later. Its all Ok. No it isn’t. We will send an engineer round. Stress levels rise and fall. Without contact, how can I live, easily.
Engineer comes round. Patches things up recommends new router. Phone works and internet comes back on. But not all the time. In fact very rarely. Also our two land lines have become tangled up. Time to phone Bangalore again. Name, Number, Lets do few tests. Everything is alright. This time forty minutes. Everything is working.No it isnt. Hope begins to fade, you beg, plead. OK we will send an engineer around.
A few days later he comes. He knows. Its all BT’s fault. Internet is being influenced by the weather. What? Thats mumbo jumbo. Thats like saying my car wont start because I have a Polish cleaner. Trust me its all BT’s fault says the engineer from Talk Talk. The will to live becomes vapour like.
As I am talking to the telecom engineer of the year outside the front door, it slams. I have no key. The nightmare darkens. I do the impersonation of the headless chicken. Brainwave. The neighbour lets me over the fence.
Nothing has changed. Internet only occasionally, phone still mangled. Time to phone Banglaore again. Name, Number, lets do a few tests. We will give a you special number. Forty minutes on, anger mounts, just do it. OK we will send round another engineer. Make sure he does something. Look up notes on morse code and doing semaphore.
Enter the Lone Ranger. Its a connection that was blown during the lightning strike. The first engineers put the connections in the wrong place and hey presto the new guy spends some time, gets intelligent , isn’t thinking of ticking a box and going onto his next job and sorts out the problems. Two weeks from the day lightening struck.
Once again the impotence of modern man has been exposed. Our dependence on digital systems underlined. Problems seem to have been solved. I’m missing Bangalore already. As it happens I have been there