Brexit Negotiations-Round One

Brexit Negotiations-Round One

In a surprise move Britain sends Labour “heavyweight” Diane Abbott into negotiate the divorce treaty.

Juncker- How nice it is to have a smiling face across the table,someone from the same  galaxy, do you mind if I have drink,would you like one?

Abbott. Gives her famous dimple. Now you wont go leaking this will you, it’ll be our little secret, certainly, malt, my favourite,yes thats fine.

J.Lets get this 100 billion euros out of the way.

A.Good  idea. What are they for. What the UK agreed to pay. Did  we. Oh silly us. But we must pay,its OK we are  going to seriously start taxing the rich,so that means we can afford anything.

You mean thats settled, we had thought there would be a lot of argument. Argue oh come on we’re the adults in the room.  No don’t be silly ,100 what. Euros. Thats fine thats about £80 I think I have it in my purse,damn ,will you take a cheque. No, J gives that famous patronising smile. 100 billion,like 100,000,000 times 100.

Oooh thats an awful lot. Are you sure its that  much. Ja.C’est vrai. Why have you stopped speaking English. Havent you heard you have left the  EU. Oh come one Jean Claude,what a lovely name,is it Dutch, Diane gives another of her famous dimples,You are such a  tease. At which point Junker asks the attendant for another bottle.

Diane I think we can sort this out like civilised people. Supposing we stagger the payments over three years, thats only 30 billion a pop, much less than the NHS.

We  are going to ring fence money for  NHS, we will never let another patient sit in the corridor, waiting times will be slashed to seconds not weeks and years. Yes Diane ,of course, I was using the NHS as a benchmark. Quality  benchmarks, what a good idea. I must tell Jeremy to use it on the hustings.

Diane would you like some ice,can we get back to the subject of the reparations,the war debt, the Brexit fine-I joke ,izz funny, Ja, the exit fee,the 100 billion euros. Oh Jean Claude, you are so serious, politics is all about relationships, did you know that Jeremy and I were once an item,I’m younger than Madam Macron, are you single?

He slumps foreword and begins to snore,she giggles. You see this Brexit business is not so difficult. Its just a question of doing the sums. Are you sure you wont take a cheque, 80 euros thats not much,what was all the fuss about. Dont wake him,I’ll see myself out, make sure he gets the cheque when he wakes up.

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2 Responses to Brexit Negotiations-Round One

  1. Rob Pemberton. says:

    Abbott – Junker. Not as far fetched as all that – it could work. With her grasp of mathematics and his of grasp on a bottle of Cognac anything could happen.
    A most enjoyable piece. Best Rob.

  2. Nick Leslie says:


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