Silly Season Begins
With the Queen retreating to Balmoral and real world events suspended , the silly season has begun. Which means the world’s two silliest people Ping Pong Phew of North Korea and Grumpy Trumpy take centre stage. How they love it, both of course, as over the top, bad guy creations of Ian Fleming they strut, roar and generally make the play ground a livelier place.
Elsewhere in world affairs war mad Belgium had taken on battle hardened Netherlands. The issue, eggs. Not, clear whether they are chocolate or natural, fertilised or surrogate but the clog wearers and the chip eaters are in a handbags at dawn mode. Which means troops if not massing at least meeting at the border. Where will it end? Tears and no stories at bed time,no doubt. EC is once again stepping up and has declared top level talks, yes its silly.
An English model is kidnapped, she seen buying shoes and selling the story with her captor a Pole living in England who is arrested in Milan by the same police force we last saw with Foxy Knoxy.Must be August.
Odd things happen this month. Madame ‘Baby Face’ Macron, the President’s dame had to suffer the indignity of a vote of no confidence while across the world husband of the year ,His Most Christian Excellency President Jacob Zuma was denied the post of First Lady of France.
The silly season obviously happens in August. This year starving , Brexit cursed Brits are reduced to camping on Hackney Marshes and caravanning in Croydon. Whatever, this means record rains will fall. Yesterday it was reported that “more than a month’s rain is set to fall over two days.”
There is always sex, From the Telegraph, “M&S has been forced to change lavatory signs in their stores after complaints of sexism. A customer at the chain’s Holmbush store in Shoreham spotted that the female toilet sign showed a woman with a baby while the sign for male toilet just showed a man, and claimed this suggested that only women look after children.” Right on,sister.
No summer is complete without a good Russian divorce. As Dorothy Parker so memorably said, if you want to know what God thinks of money ,see who he gives it to. Step forward Roman Abromovich. His boyish vacant stare suggests he lost it sometime counting his £7bn. The rich of oucourse are different they marry more often, which of course means they have to divorce more often. This is Roman’s third, go for it. As Onassis once said, without women, there is no point in money.£7bn buys a lot of humpty dumpty.
The UK is the divorce capital of the world(take that you Remainers). The story is of course an excuse to parade a million ways to waste your money- Chelsea FC- come on you Burnlet-really? And show we suburban types that we are really better off with our toast and marmalade than those with yachts and multiple mansions.
Yesterday top of the UK news was the video of a jogger barging a woman into the road,she stumbles, falls, gets up, bus stops. That this happened on Putney Bridge almost in view of Chateau Thompson did not make this any less silly as a national story. To make the story sillier they arrested a US banker who claimed to be Stateside at the time.
Northerners apparently die much younger than we Southerners. Its either boredom or starvation, this we know. Since much of the North is now a hippo farm and hippos have a life expectancy of twenty I find this hardly surprising. But hey this is the silly season,repeat the obvious.
Such as breakdown at airports. Misery queues, hopeless airlines, useless customs officials- why oh why cant it be like before the war when only a few travelled. This story can be repeated on the state of motorways, tourist facilities generally. Which it will be, many times ,over the next few weeks.
And if you want the obvious, predictable and totally silly there is always a Kenyan election.
Picture-The Once Happy Couple